(冬枯れが一面を覆う侘びしい季節。空を一羽の雁がどこかを
めざして飛んでゆく。私はまるであの雁だ。今後、何を頼りに生きて
いけばよいのか、天涯孤独の私には分からない)
*雁なれや:雁なのであろうか *ゆく末:これからの人生
*何たのむべき:何を頼りにすればよいのだろうか

I sometimes look at myself from a third person's eye.

Yes, you are ridiculously lonely but you perfectly deserve it.
When you were eighteen, you fell in love with a sixteen year
old girl but that romance ended with her rejection.
Since then, it seems, you've stopped loving anyone. You do not
even love yourself. Many times you felt you were in love, but
actually you did not love that woman truly. Even if some woman
tried to love you, you could not take it. It was simply too much for you.
Now you should know better...it's absurd to complain about your
loneliness.

All that said, I must confess I'm scared when I think of my future....to
grow old all alone, weak and helpless. It's frightening to imagine that
I get senile and could not even think of killing myself.
However, I somewhat feel a little peaceful when I think that, after all, I
am only a part of this vast and magnificent cosmos, nothin more,
nothing less. Let the universe take care of this little creature.

inserted by FC2 system