Finally M is gone.
It took me quite a long time to realize it because she had come
back to me sporadically in the past. Now, I have a solid feeling that
she really does not care any more, or more precisely she has lost a
"sense of compassion" that was uniquely hers. It's a pity she did not
tell me why. One thing I know is that I've become meaningless to her mentally,
physically and financially but I really do not know which factor was the
most important. Or she might have had completely different reasons.
"Sense of loss" is a terrible and painful feeling even to me- a person
who basically does not expect much of himself. And I assure you
It'd be crazy of me if I still dream of her opening the door of my place
with her usual beaming smile.