I seem to have suffered this nonsense all the time. Am I a masochist?
Perhaps so. I tend to care for a woman more in case she treats me rather
cruelly while I react less favourably if she shows a fond affection to me.
This is very strange but if I analyze myself carefully, it might be that my
particular attitude is deeply rooted in the mental damage I suffered in my
first love when I was 18 years old. In those days I was ridiculously naive.
I was thinking that if I treated a girl nicely, she'd naturally reciprocate it.
But what happened was far from it and my ego was miserably wounded.
Since then, I might have been trying unconciously to avenge it.
Now it's high time for me to get rid of this nonsense.

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