| こ と だ | 過 ぎ ぬ べ ら な り ： 過 ぎ て ゆ く | つ も り て ： 積 も っ て | 長 い 刻 ∧ と き ∨ が す ぎ て ゆ く | と ぎ れ と ぎ れ に 君 の 夢 を み て | 春 の 日 は 何 気 な い 貌 を み せ る が | 夜 を す ご す 幾 夜 も ` 幾 夜 も | じ り じ り と 焼 か れ る 思 い で | 君 は 来 な い | あ ん な に 堅 く 約 束 し た の に |
I seem to have suffered this nonsense all the time. Am I a masochist?
Perhaps so. I tend to care for a woman more in case she treats me rather
cruelly while I react less favourably if she shows a fond affection to me.
This is very strange but if I analyze myself carefully, it might be that my
particular attitude is deeply rooted in the mental damage I suffered in my
first love when I was 18 years old. In those days I was ridiculously naive.
I was thinking that if I treated a girl nicely, she'd naturally reciprocate it.
But what happened was far from it and my ego was miserably wounded.
Since then, I might have been trying unconciously to avenge it.
Now it's high time for me to get rid of this nonsense.